Am i a bad person or am I just depressed?

Someone please help me! It's very long but its the only way I can fully describe my situation. I've had a rather uncertain life for quite awhile, it鈥檚 been up and down but I think I鈥檝e stabilized myself for now.





I'm a loner, I have mates but I don't hang out with them other than at school. I gradually lose friends because I don't keep contact with them. I've never been to parties other than family related, the beach is 5 minutes away from my house, I鈥檝e been there just a couple times in my life. When I do hang with my friends, I don't talk most of the time when it's not my kind of topic and even if it is, I just ignore it. Other than that, the people that know me all seem to like me. But sometimes when there is someone I know (even someone I hang out) walks past and they not notice me, I just walk past them without saying hi or I try to walk in a different direction.





My mum is tenacious and very prejudice, my dad has no balls and brains but he works full week in labor. Most of the time when they ask me a question I just ignore it. They argue almost every day due to finance problems usually at dinner as well, and when they do talk about recreational things, they would just talk about how dangerous it is to do those things. But I just ignore it and just stay at home anyway.





I am currently 6th form and still haven't fully decided what I鈥檓 going to do, I can't see myself working and getting married and have children.





I hate the scum that stains humanity, sometimes I wish I could become a hitman and take down every single one of those people personally. Other times I wish I live in a post apocalyptic world so I wouldn't need to worry about conventional values like buying a house and how not to disappoint my parents.





I've never asked a girl out. There is a girl that I really loved a year back and she loved me back. I didn鈥檛 ask her out so she started seeing other guys and I got really jealous, then I went out of control and told her that I wanted to kill her. We had a huge fight after. Fortunately after a few months, we amended and we actually got closer although a bf/gf relationship was out of the question. I tried to be a friend from there on and she started seeing a guy that I hated and almost everyone else I know thinks he鈥檚 a jerk. I spent most of the year telling her that he isn鈥檛 the right guy to be with. (Most of my contact with her is txting, I鈥檝e only seen her about 4 times) One day I had enough and just stopped talking to her out of the blue and I spent the whole 3 months of holiday at home doing nothing (literally). She showed up at my house once during the holidays with her bf and I pretty much told her to **** off. Now it鈥檚 been about 6 months since those holidays and I just felt like I needed to talk to her to set things right. At first, she seemed mad at me but then she told me her bf raped her and they are now apart. Now she鈥檚 with someone else who also happens to be a jerk from what I remember, although she tells me that she really loves me and appreciates the things that I did do right. But I do not feel the same way about her now and today I realised I don鈥檛 really feel anything for her anymore without forcing it out. I feel like cutting her out of my life again, I was actually planning to not talk to her for the remainder of high school so there would be no way for her to find me, but from what she told me recently she seems to be genuinely in love with me despite her being with another guy. I also want to add that she was sexually abused as a child by her father so I can鈥檛 really blame her personality, hell I鈥檓 surprised she hasn鈥檛 turned to suicide.





For me, I just don鈥檛 care anymore. I don鈥檛 care about people although I care about animals. I don鈥檛 care about the world, I鈥檝e become so ignorant that I forget some of the most basic of knowledge.


So am I a bad person? I don鈥檛 treat friends like friends and I lose control easily. Or am I just depressed?Am i a bad person or am I just depressed?
Not caring when you're still in high school is a sign of depression, probably old and deep depression.





About the girl, sometimes we say we don't care in order to not be disappointed.





You talked about her almost the whole time.Am i a bad person or am I just depressed?
your depressed!


and so am i timmy and i arnt getting on that well at the moment,


and i feel the same way, i care about animals but hes an animals so .. you know............ =]
Well it sounds more like your more frustrated with dating and trying to go out with girls, than if your a bad person. I wouldn't worry as long as your looking for the solution and being here getting some advice is a good start if anything. Here's a couple of pointers and i know you will lead yourself the rest of the way.





-Try to be unconditionaly helpful and soothing in any way shape or form, to your parents they are people like all of us and we're not on this planet for a long time, look for what makes them smile even if your not going on a trip somewhere make it happen. try not to raise your voice to them so they don't get alarmed or feel too much pressure (you know that feeling when a headache is coming). Also if they ask you something asnwer it no matter what it is be soothing remember.





-Sign up for a martial arts class it will open your eyes to this life in ways you've never thaught you could see. You will get the type of stature no woman will ever bring you, only you can bring it to yourself.


and both you and the apponent will release rage and fury and freindship





- woman arn't everything in a mans life, their an addition to your life.





-go online and search in wikipedia:seduction community and get into that realm, that's all you will need for anything you want to know about women, trust me women have been exchanging dating advice since they were in their teens you need to catch up.
I don't think you're a bad person at all.


I think you're just a guy with a heavy heart and a big burden on your shoulders.


You deserve to get some help for yourself- sounds like you've been suffering in silence for a long time now. Good on you for telling us- by doing this you have already taken a huge step in the right direction.


I suggest that you go to your school counselor if you have one. If you don't- then go to a different counselor. To me it sounds like you have depression. Look at these websites:


www.beyondblue.org.au or www.youthbeyondblue.com


www.reachout.com


Wishing you all the best.


If you wanna talk, you can email me on britney_penguinsrcool@hotmail.com