Did I fall out of love or is it just a phase?

I'd love to hear answers from people my age or older (I am 29): I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years (in the first year, we broke up for 2 months but got back together). We live together and have talked about marriage. I have generally been very happy in the relationship but in the past few weeks, suddenly, I am just bored with the relationship. I get resentful towards him and I don't know why, and I am just not excited about us. I told him the other night and he was really a good listener about it; made plans to spend special, quality time together, etc.; in other words, he did all the right things. Even so, I am having doubts about us. And the dumbest part is, I suddenly have been thinking about an ex I dated years ago. Not even someone I have strong love feelings for, but someone who seemed like the ';ideal'; man, the knight in shinnig armor. That person was probably the type I always envisioned marrying: romantic, wouldn't let me pay for anything, well-off, able to support me. My current boyfriend has a good job but he is still very much in the middle of his career. We share things half and half for the most part and suddenly that just feels so unromantic to me. Am I just being a big whiner? I don't know what to do. How do I know if this is a phase or if these are my true feelings? I love him but why don't I feel, well, ';in love?';Did I fall out of love or is it just a phase?
I think you have to really think about this alone, maybe keep a journal because sometimes as you write things out it becomes more clear. You just have to dig down deep inside and try and be brutally honest with yourself as to whether you are or are not in love with him. A few years ago, I was about 27 at the time I was engaged to a man and feeling unexcited about it. I kept ignoring the feeling completely, trying so hard to continue loving him (we were together for 5 years) until one day I broke down in tears out of no where and I finally said to myself ';I am not in love with him!'; Turns out he was feeling the same and we are still friends but we knew we weren't meant to be husband and wife. Since then I have been able to really listen to that voice within and stay true to myself.





I think when you are truly in love with someone it doesn't matter if they fit the mold you always expected. When something bothers you, figure out why it bothers you, then keep digging and you will eventually find the answer. It's hard when you've been with someone for a long time to move on especially when you get along and there's no dramatic break up for one specific reason but you have to do what you know is right. Good luck!Did I fall out of love or is it just a phase?
You just want money.





Your idea of love is the ability to sit on your couch until noon in your pajamas eating bon bons and watching maury povich. You dont care who provides that for you, you just dont want to work or pay or help out in any manner. I hope that guy figures out what a greedy little snot you are and leaves you.
DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW THE ANSWER.
I'm 35 years old and married for 12 years and I felt like you did when I was dating my husband. I love him very much but even after 12 years I still feel the same way. No romance or even feeling good about our relationship, even though it's fairly good. I just feel there was someone out there for me that I could've really loved the way I want to. If I were you I would call it quits, even if it's for a little while to try and figure out what YOU want. Dont live your life unhappy if that's what you are. Hope this helps you and good luck.
I am 36...





When I was 29, I felt I must know what a mid-life crisis felt like. My 20s behind me, here comes real total adulthood and responsibility, I should by now have my dream job, own a house, etc etc...





Turning 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36 has been fine. But that year was a tough one. Maybe you have that same itch, clock ticking, looking around you to see what you have and what you could have had. Consider carefully before you chuck it all.
i was reading and thought i could give a very educated answer and maybe translate what you wrote and help you out. but then i got to the part where you started to describe your ideal ex.





romance is not about having eveything paid for you everytime, neither is it chivalry. support you and your ridiculously expensive tastes? im not saying you have expensive taste, but thats how it comes across to me. its sad to know some women are like this. i could go on and make you think about this, deeply, but i just cant be arsssed.





to get back to the whole 'feelings' part, i think you are making as many excuses to yourself as possible, as to why you arent right for each other. clearly you are not happy in this relationship. it can happen. i know many people who were like fire in the first two three years of a relationship, but the romance just fizzled away.





answer this...are your daily lives mundane, feels like clockwork? same old same old?





EDIT - ';ANN B'; If you dont mind answering a few questions and dont really have difficulty parting with experiences and feelings, could you email me so i can email you back? Cant find any way to contact you from your profile. My questions will mainly focus around what you just wrote. Just a part of me bettering myself.





No harm done if you dont want to. Thanks.





EDIT 2 - Aaah now i see. The extra info did help. Im a strong believer of there being two sides to a story, however i dont think it may be necessary here as your feelings have nearly gone. Youve told him how you feel. He needs to change. Not spend quality time, but really change himself. His attitude, his way of life, even his job. Im guessing the sex aint too great either. I dont want to advice breaking up, even for a few months maybe, but as that other person posted, deep down, you'll know what you have to do. Maybe this will be the kick up the arrrse he needs.
I have felt this way many times, when I feel trapped in a situation. Not saying you are trapped, but step outside of the relationship for a moment and list the benefits of being with this person. Really list all the qualities that made you fall for him. I married my sweetie right out of high school and three years into our marriage, it became dull to me. I had to really evaluate what was best for both of us. We ended up divorcing after 5 years. Not a positive answer, I know, but it was the best thing for both of us and we have both moved on to very healthy lives and remained friends ever since.