The father of my only child (1 year old daughter) died a couple of days ago. I don't know how I feel?

Let me start by saying I would not have chose to have a child with a guy like him, we were only together for about a month before I found out I was pregnant (and even then I didn't consider us a real serious couple - although I guess he did). He was really hot, but lived 14 hours away and I met him while visiting family in another state. We continued to talk and I visited him and he visited me in the next month. When I found out I was pregnant I thought I might as well make the best of it and move in with him and try to build a family or do the right thing anyway. He turned out to be a mean, lying, cheating, stealing kind of person who did drugs around his other children, stole from me, didn't hold a job, emotionally abused everyone around him, and even put his hands on ME (IM PREGNANT!!! hello!!!). He even punched me in the face and knocked me out cold when I was 5 months pregnant. Soon after that episode I left him. I figured out he is what we label a sociopath. He can conive his way out of anything and make you believe anything to get what he wants. I thankfully am smart enough to know that I dont need someone like that, nor did our unborn child. He was in a car accident a few weeks ago and hit his head but refused any medical attention. Tuesday night he went to bed complaining of a real bad headache, and his grandmother found him Wednesday morning. He just didn't wake up. I don't know what I'm feeling. I never loved this guy, and after even just a week of living with him, he wasn't even someone I would choose to be friends with. I feel bad for not having a lot of emotions about the whole thing. I feel bad for his family and his children, but he was never a part of our daughter's life, he never even met her, and she's 14 months old now. I wasn't planning on letting him have unsupervised visitation because I didn't trust him to be around her alone. I guess what I'm asking is what would you feel? I'm just confused I guess. I've been raising her on my own this whole time with not so much as a $ or even an attempt to meet her from him. I guess I just don't feel that much of a loss, but I feel so COLD and HEARTLESS thinking like that. What do you think?The father of my only child (1 year old daughter) died a couple of days ago. I don't know how I feel?
what i think is .... this was all happening way to fast for you;


so feelings might be harder to understand; and since your pregnant dont be stress.The father of my only child (1 year old daughter) died a couple of days ago. I don't know how I feel?
If nothing else you should feel some sorrow for your child since she is growing up without a father. You never know he may have aged himself into a decent man. Even after all is horrible, horrible mistakes.





You also need to look into yourself so this does not happen again. I don't mean to preach, but if you were not serious about a man you should not have sleept with him. No birth control is 100% effective. You need to examine the men you sleep with and decide if you would be ok with having a child with them. Would they be ok with being a father? Even when you know someone for awhile it can be hard to really know who they are, but save yourself and your children some heartache by doing the best you can to pick good men. I wish you the best in life.
It's not wrong for you to not feel sad.This man did a lot of terrible things to you.If you stayed longer you may have had a miscarriage or may have ended up with broken body parts.The ex was the one that was cold and heartless.If you don't want to go to the funeral stay home.Don't be surprised if the family starts to contact you trying to get into your child's life.They will try to be around her because she will remind them of her dad.They didn't want to before so why start it now.
wow that was a long story


i actually read the whole thing though


i'm sooo sorry to hear that you were in such an abusive relationship


i would feel the same way as you


i wouldn't say it is cold and heartless because he abused you by hitting you in the face when you are preggie


so what i understand is that he passed away?


i hope your daughter lives a good life


good luck :)
I'm sorry to hear it. It's normal to have conflicting emotions - after all this is a man who treated you very badly.





I'm sorry to say this but his death sounds like a blessing in disguise - my father was very similar to him and he was violent towards me and made my childhood very difficult. Now your daughter will never have to deal with a terrible father - it is better to have no father trust me on that one.
Only thing you can do is love your child and be honest from the beginning with her you might get social security for the child. only thing you can do for yourself is move on there had to be something good somewhere in him for you to even give him a chance. don't feel bad about anything you got the best of him and that's your child don't let your feelings of cold and heartless go toward you child it's easy to fall into that path, you can't feel loss of something you never had he probably had problems you didn't know of.
The fact that you are even confused about your feelings shows that you are not cold, heartless, or a bad person. You put yourself and your child first before a man who didn't deserve either of you. It sounds to me that the love that you have for your daughter was what was most important to you, and for that alone you should be commended. Many women, sadly, are so scared to raise a child on their own or so scared of being alone that they'll put up with abusive relationships. And you were smart enough to see that if he mistreated you he would mistreat your child, which he did. By not getting to know or trying to protect her he severely mistreated her. It is very tragic that he lost his life due to the negligence of his health, and it is very sad that your daughter will never get a chance to know her father, but there's nothing anyone can change about that and you should find peace in the fact that you were open to him getting to know his daughter while he was alive. It was his choice to not seize that opportunity and it should teach everyone a lesson to not put the important things off. Just because someone died doesn't mean that you should feel guilty about not liking them, you are a human being, I'm sure even Mother Theresa and Ghandi knew people that they didn't like so don't feel guilty. You probably have a lot of confusion because without him you wouldn't have your beautiful baby girl, and for that you should be thankful that he did live. Get a picture of him and try to remember some good things about him too (as hard as that may be) because one day your daughter will ask about him. You should always be honest with her, but try to remember that she came from him and will want to hear the good as well as the bad. There must have been something about him that pulled you to him in the first place, tell her about those things, even if it is just as simple as ';he was very attractive just like you!'; You are not a bad person, you are a good mother who seems to have a good soul. I don't know what the situation is with his family but if your daughter doesn't have a relationship with them maybe you should be the bigger person and try to start one. It may help to fill the void they will both inevidably have in the future. My thoughts are with you, the emotions that you must be feeling right now must be very intense. Bless.
WHoa.





I can imagine your confusion.





On one side, he is the other parent of your child.


On the other, there is mr. sociopath.





If you need to grieve, grieve about your child not having a father.





Other emotions you can expect are - relief (no more abuse, no more danger from him)


Anger - why did he refuse medical attention, he might have turned around and seen the error of his ways.


Grief - there was some feeling between you.





So, yes, i would be confused as well.





But, considering your story - my main emotion would be one of relief.


There is no 'cloud of doom' above you or your childs life - and she will grow up safe.





脤 do not believe you are cold and heartless, but you care for your child, and her safety - and that was something he wouldn`t have been able to provide you with.
Please try to remember that it takes more than just being a sperm donor to be a father. When someone we know dies, its always hard, and yes, we feel something. Instead of focusing on how you feel or don't feel towards him, maybe you should take some time and think about whether or not he would have made a good father for your baby. If not, then be thankful that you don't have to put her through any unwanted pain. I think it was very noble of you to try to make it work with him, and you should be proud of yourself. But now you need to be happy and enjoy your baby. Kids are great and are a lot of fun.