I don't really know how to do this or explain this.. But I don't think life is worth much for me.?

I don't feel like a normal person. I don't think I will ever and I don't think I know what a normal human being is and I don't even feel human. I feel like a worthless piece of trash as a waste of human flesh being put onto this place.





My home life isn't all that great. I mean, it could be worse but my parents I can never communicate good. I can't sit down with them and talk about what goes on outside. Things I do I feel like it's not normal for even someone who is completely mental to do. I have an older brother who has something wrong with him and my parents want me to accept it through my life. I don't want to accept it at times and I'm scared to and if I try to question anything about it my parents don't want to hear it. They treat me as if I am horrible. I don't even treat my brother as a human being at times and I don't know if it's that I am afraid to accept this since I'm the only sibling and that I never talked to anyone who is in same position. I don't even think the things I do anyone would be in same position. I would snap at my parents alot as well because I would try to talk to them and they never take me serious on anything and it leads to arguing. There was even times that we had arguments and me and my mother would go way worse on it and it still gets stuck in my head.





Outside is never any better. I don't socialize and I get made fun of for many reasons. I would cry almost everyday or night because I feel alone. I always like to be alone but if I think of things then I start crying. I don't trust anyone, even adults I know, I'm too scared to tell anyone even my family relatives about things that go on. Don't tell me to talk to someone cause I basically can never trust anyone and I am afraid to get thought of different on what I do. I try to make myself feel better but it gets worse. I know I shouldn't kill myself and I have tried in the past but couldn't. I don't care if I live the next day. I also keep thinking about the future and it I feel it will not turn out good.





What also holds me back is I believe in God and if I kill myself I'd probably go to hell. Deep down I want to make myself a better person but it's hard since I barely do anything to help myself. But then again, since I'm bad enough it seems, what's the difference. He probably doesn't care. I want to just end everything and never have another life if that's possible. What is a good way to kill myself but it wouldn't seem like it was meant on purpose or seem like someone else killed me or look like I killed myself? If dying in my sleep was a choice which it isn't I'd take it. I know it's easier to cut myself or stab myself and it be only 5 seconds but if I do it there's no way to turn back on it. I want to kill myself making it seem like it was natural cause of death... If you put it that way.I don't really know how to do this or explain this.. But I don't think life is worth much for me.?
I don't know if I can fully understand how you feel, but I can try.


I don't think there is the kind of celestial god many people seem to be certain exists. If he does exist, then he certainly acts just about the same as if no god existed at all. I wouldn't worry about Hell, you can be almost certain that you won't experience anything after death; that's what death means- the end.


I know it's probably very difficult to understand this now, but you are very, very young, and many people who live unhappy childhoods learn to be happy as they grow up. And happiness is indeed learned. The most important thing for you to do now, is to find an outlet for your unhappiness. Play video games (that was mine), or get lost in books, or movies, or draw, or play music or whatever. Find something which you enjoy, that you can have as YOUR thing. If you can find happiness in anything at all, it might make life worth living for you; or at least make it less awful. I'm not telling you what to do with your life; if you want to end it, that is your decision. Not your parent's, or your brother's, or God's, or anyone else's who responds to this post, but yours. Whether life is worth living is a question which every person must answer for themselves. But keep this in mind: Even though life is painful, and not worth living now, does not mean that it will always be such. And when you do find happiness in life, you will wonder why was ever different.


Happiness is a choice; plain and simple. No one has control over your emotions but you, and the more you practice feeling how YOU CHOOSE to feel, the better you will become at it. I strongly recommend delving into the philosophies of Buddhism, and Stoicism. These are the philosophies of happiness.


Whether you desire to or not, if you are going to learn to let go of your pain, you NEED to talk with others about it. Find someone who you can confide in; we are social beings and need to be heard by others, even if they are only listening.


Believe it or not, you are not the only person who feels this way. Many people struggle to find happiness, and many people are driven to suicide. You are not alone, and I hope that you will find your way.I don't really know how to do this or explain this.. But I don't think life is worth much for me.?
Life is a precious thing, and you know it so you are ashamed of yourself for giving up. There is something missing here that you haven't mentioned. Who is hurting you, and why do they let you blame yourself for it? Is there anyone who gets pleasure of making you feel sick? There must be something that is not your fault, or else you wouldn't ask for help. I was a suicidal teen, and was shortly hospitalized, lost it or snapped when I was 18, so I know the spiritual struggles of not feeling free. You want to be free and not use death as a solution. Listen to ';Joining you'; by Alanis Morissette. It's about her friend, and she talks him/ her out of it for various reasons. Here it is:





Dear darlin,


Your mom, my friend





Left a message on my machine


She was frantic


Saying you were talking crazy.





That you wanted to do away with yourself.


Guess she thought I would be the perfect resort


Because weve had this inexplicable connection since our youth





And yes, theyre in shock


They are panicked


You and your chronic


Them and their drama


You this embarassment


Us in the middle of this delusion.





If we were our bodies,


If we were our futures,


If we were our defenses,


Id be joining you.





If we were our culture,


If we were our leaders,


If we were our denials,


Id be joining you.





I remember vividly a day years ago,


We were camping.


You knew more than you thought you should know.


You said i dont want ever to be brainwashed


And you were mindboggling, you were intense.


You were uncomfortable in your own skin.


You were thirsty,


But mostly you were beautiful.





If we were our nametags,


If we were our rejections,


If we were our outcomes,


Id be joining you.





If we were our indignities,


If we were our successes,


If we were our emotions,


Id be joining you.





You and i, were like four year olds.


We want to know why, and how come about everything.


We want to reveal ourselves at will, and speak our minds.


And never talk small talk and be intuitive,


And question mightily, and find God my tortured beacon.





We need to find like-minded companions.





If we were their condemnations,


If we were their projections,


If we were our paranoias, Id be joining you.





If we were our incomes,


If we were our obsessions,


If we were our afflictions, Id be joining you.





We need a reflection,


We need a really good memory.


Feel free to call me a little more often.
Hi. i cant say i completely understand how you feel, but I would like to offer you this: If theres only one solid truth to life, it is change. You will not be the same person a year from now, or maybe even in a few months and your life will not be the same as it is now. I am 30 now and looking back, Id have to say Ive probably been 10 different people and lived 10 different lives thus far. A change in environment is the greatest way to change yourself and your life. Once you are able to move out of your parents place your life will do a 180. Try and look beyond the fog and into the future, life has endless possibilities.
Hey buddy, I don't know your age. If you are not of ';legal age'; you can tough it out until you can legally leave. That's what I did. Then they can't drag you back.





You are feeling results of living in an unhealthy place. Once you get out of there you can help others in the same situation.





You will feel angry and confused and unloved and misunderstood.....but that makes you able to understand others who have also experienced that. Use it.





No one ever said this life was easy. Only people with true balls can get through it and still smile.





I take mood stabilizers and they sure take the sting out of my reactions to reality.





So quit yer whinin', and be strong. Millions more than you have it way worse and you can help them.





Trust me dear, I was abused on all counts. I like who I am and love life. I clawed my way to that self respect. It wasn't handed to me.





All is energy. Make sure yours is clean. Don't worry about the other guy.


xxxxx
I understand. I even sometimes feel like that. I don't think you should suicide. Pray to God, pray in your room. Ask him for help. He will help you. You have a lot going on in your head, so you should take a break right now. Sleep, or something that will soothe you. I suggest sleep is the best choice for you now, because I think you can't find anything that is soothing. Forget the world, forget everything and just let your body relax. I'm sure that after your sleep you will feel a little better. Now, about you thinking life isn't worth it. Yes, I understand that, but think about why God wanted you to live and be on this Earth. God has a special job for everyone on Earth, not just to reproduce. Think about that and wonder. If you feel like crying, cry. Cry in your room, so no one will see. Cry all your sadness and worry out. Have you try talking to one of your relatives? Maybe, they can help you. I understand that you will never trust anyone. It's okay. Just take a break from the world outside right now, and think about nothing that will make you cry and be sad. Think of your happy thoughts. Think about something that made you smile and light up. Thinking of happy thoughts will make you fly and not be down on the ground. About outside, it's okay. ignore other people. When you hear the people at your school say bad things about you, don't listen or you hear it, but it goes out of your other ear. Meaning you hear them say those mean things about you, but you let it pass through you and out your ear. If you don't let it pass and think about it, the mean things will become trapped inside you and you will begin to feel sad and like crying again. You think you will go to Hell if you suicide, but you won't. Whoever believes in God will not to Hell, they will all go to Heaven. Just remember that God will help you if you put more of him in your life - pray and he will help you. Ignore or let the mean things say about you pass through your body, let it go out your other ear. Hope I helped.
Assisting someone with suicide is illegal. Right or wrong, it is illegal.


Please call a suicide hotline to discuss your options.


Sometimes things are darkest just before the dawn That's been around for a while for a reason. Been there.
But don't you think that instead of ending your life, you should keep going? if not for the sake of the people you know, then for the sake of the people you don't! You are a living, moving, breathing person, which is an amazing thing in itself, and you could do so much for the world!


Do something new. Go on a journey, help out a charity, get a pet, build something, make something, write something! You're not a bad writer, have you thought about it as a career? Surely, if you can make the world just the tiniest bit better before killing yourself, then it wasn't completely pointless?


You could do something amazing, if you really are as unattached as you're making yourself out to be. What would happen if you walked out the door right now, and you kept on walking? You say you want to die, what does it matter then if you leave home and you haven't got money for food? It'd be an amazing adventure.


Fact of the matter is that the world is a lonely place. A lot of people don't appreciate how lonely it is, especially for young people who form such tenuous relationships that can snap at any moment. What you're feeling is so common You say you don't feel like a human being? Not feeling like a human being is all part of it!


You're depressive, you probably knew that. And because you're depressive, your mind gives you these thoughts, and there is absolutly nothing you can do about them, and it's hard to see a way out. But believe me IT WILL GET BETTER. Tell yourself that. It's true.


Why don't you trust anyone? What do you think they're going to do to you? Laugh? I doubt it, like I said, this is nothing wierd. Tell everyone? Why would they? It's not like it's amusing, or it would help if everyone knew. This is real life, you are surrounded by real human beings. They're not going to betray you at the drop of a hat (whatever that means). They're going to listen to you, and try to help you.


You're already reaching out for help. Why else would you put this up on the net? If you really wanted to die, you'd have found a way already. Sorry, I don't believe you. You're depressive and your mind is making you think you want to die, but it's fairly clear that you don't.


Forget religion for a second. I'm a christian myself but I think that there's a chance that this life is all we've got, so we might as well do what we can rather than just throwing it away. This place isn't hell. If you think you're going to hell (I don't think you are), then avoid it as long as possible.


I hope you read all of this, and that it helped, and that I wasn't too much of a cow. Best of luck to you.
Sounds like teen angst. I had it, like most everyone. Hormones and emotions are rampant. I'm still pretty cynical, but try to have fun with life. It seems you got a rough deal with your family though. Depending on your age you could get away soon enough and reconnect later (if you so choose)


As to people making fun of you.


I'm only 26 and sport a handlebar moustache. (three musketeers style)


That's not socially accepted anymore but it amuses me, so nuts to the nay-sayers.


Awhile back I decided that all of life is: like getting dressed in front of the family dog. Sure he sees you, but its a dog and couldn't possibly matter.


If you want to function with the world, you need to be adaptable.





Suicide. I'd never do it for emotional reasons but I'm not adamently against it. Life is a journey, make up some paths.


If you stick around (I'm taking years), you might decide existence can be fun. If it wasn't, it was still a learning experience.


I have more ideas but feel long winded as it is.


Play with reality!!