Im 19 and i did something I regret. I've been depressed for years, and only thing that could help me feel some sort of better is having a boyfriend. It was never about sex, I actually didn't lose my virginity unti I was 18... it was just the fact of having someone around that showed their love for me (even if it wasn't real) that made me feel better. Well anyway when I was 17 I was dating this boy. I thought I loved him, he said he loved me, but within a year of us dating he changed. He stopped doing the things he used to, I eventually found out that he was messing with some other girls and got both of them pregnant. (remind you I never did anything with him, so i kind of blamed myself)... I was hurting for so long.. then this other guy came along... he was much older... I thought he was much maturer, and that he would helped me get over my ex. One night he kind of pressured me into having sex (about 3 months after we were ';dating';). I didn't really want to but I knew my ex was out living his life, I didn't want to be sitting home moping and crying so i did it. This new guy I was talking to for a little over a year..(we had sex alot, it eventually seemed like that's all he cared about). After a while i felt it was wrong and decided to break it off with him... now i guess he'sgoing around telling people that me and him had sex. i hate it.. it's like everyone keeps staring at me like im some type of whore... ealier as i was walking home from the store I saw someone doing this little hand gesture, as if he was playing with himself... Im not sure if he was doing it to me but i assume he was. It's like everywhere i go i just think people are talking about it or when ever someone looks at me that's what they are thinking about. I just wish I could take it back. How do I stop caring about what other's think?How do you stop caring about what others, think of you and just start living your life?
The next time someone makes that hand gesture to you, ask them, ';Feels good, doesn't it?'; Where do you live in Saintville. Don't let others make you think that what you do is wrong. It took me a long time to learn not to care what people think. If you are constantly paranoid of what people think of you, you might not be able to walk out the door. I've learned that people are always judging you. These are the same people that need to look at their own lives. Like I told my friend the other day, when she told me that she didn't want to disappoint some people with her choices. She didn't want anyone talking about her-';People will always find something wrong with you or something to gripe about or say about you.- Let it go and realize that these people don't have a life. You have to tell yourself that you're better than everyone else because you aren't a hurtful person. It's hard to deal with mean spirited people but we have to face it, they're everywhere. Don't let others bring you down because they sure will do their best to try to.
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