HOW DOES MY ESSAY LOOK?

what grade do you think i will get. thanks a lot.


There will always be a Leader and follower. Even the promised equality by the leader would never exist but there will always be a naive. This essay will analyze the leader Napoleon and the follower Boxer and how they in a way destroy freedom and equality on the Animal Farm.








Napoleon started out as someone who would be part of the animal farm but ended up being the ruler of the animal farm. He came to power because he was pig and pigs were considered smart in the book. He also had to get rid of Snowball to become the leader because he saw Snowball as a competition. The actions that Napoleon take to destroy freedom and weaken equlity was that he gives more rights and freedom to the pigs than any animals. He also cancels the sunday meetings and makes all the decisions by himself. He also weakened the equality by acting like an human day by day, for example, he sleeps in a bed, drinks. He also destroyed the freedom by making the animals work hard. Napoleon is selfish and fearful. He kept his power mostly beacause of propaganda. He also kept his power by himself himself feared by the animal, he did this by raising the dogs to intimidate and eventually kill the animals who opposed or thought about opposing Napoleon. The main goal of Napoleon was to have absolute power in the animal farm. He also had deals with the neighbhourhood farmers. He did achieve by changing few rules such as “ All animals are equal” and making that into “ All animals are equal but some are more equal than other”.








Boxer is the hard working animal in the farm. He believes that the solution for a problem is that you just had to work hard. He weakens the equality on the farm by saying” Napoleon is always right”. He also weakens the equality by calling Napoleon the leader but infact in the beginning everyone was supposed to be equal. He also gives up his freedom by working very hard and working over time. He didnt realize that the animals are losing their freedom and equality because he believes Napoleon is always right and does everything just for the profict of the farm. His behaviour is typical of the most other followers on Animal Farm. He is also considered the most loyal supporter of Napoleon. He himself without knowing propagandas by saying that Napoleon is always right.








The incidents in the Animal farm proves that there will never be equality because there will always be someone to abuse the power. This also shows how an leader will do anything to get absolute power and how absolute power can control even someone's mind.HOW DOES MY ESSAY LOOK?
I would give it a 70%.





First of all, I think your introduction paragraph and your conclusion are much too short. They should summarize what you are trying to tell the audience, who, what, where, when, why, how, and your thoughts. What you have now is hardly anything.


One HUUUUGE aspect you are missing is the THESIS! You must state what you are trying to prove in this essay, and three points that support it. (In which, you only have two body paragraphs, anyway -- you should have one more.)


For example, let's say I was writing an essay about why teenagers should have cell phones. I would write a thorough introduction, and then at the end of the paragraph I would add a thesis:


';In this piece of prose it will be proven that teenagers should possess cell phones for emergencies, to socialize and to open their eyes to new technology.';





In addition, your sentences sound choppy, and some make no sense at all! It's almost as if you speak another language, popped an essay into a translator and used it. Find better ways to PROVE your point! You can't just state whatever research you found. Share your feelings on the topic, and persuade the reader.





You should really use Spell Check and a thesaurus. You have at least 12 grammatical and spelling errors that I can see. As for a thesaurus, using a wide range of words will make you appear smarter. (Just make sure YOU know what the word means as well.)





All of this is constructive critism, and if you fix it, I'm sure you will ace this assignment! :)HOW DOES MY ESSAY LOOK?
good very good i give you..... A+