How to get hubby to understand parenting?

My hubby feels guilty because his daughter, 8yrs old, can't be with us more than what she is-every weekend. It's to the point that she has started little white lies with him (obvious ones like when she is caught red-handed doing something she shouldn't she says she wasn't doing it), nothing major but that's how it starts. He doesn't attempt to correct the action. She chooses supper and regardless of what we have he will go to the store just to get what she wants for supper, I don't mind every once in a while but we are on major budget and usually run short every week so she can get what she wants from store. TV is whatever she wants even if something else is on, he allows her to change channel even with someone else in the room watching. Sleep is whenever she wants to go to bed (that not too big since it's weekend) but she has to sleep with dad. I love this girl with all my heart but she needs to be parented too and I don't know how to get my hubby to understand this.





I work every weekend so the sleep issue doesn't come up, I work nights and refuse to sleep with both of them because I believe she too old for that.





Any advise about it? Should I just get over it and let it go. I'm not getting in between father and daughter time but she really needs him to be a parent too. I'm not wanting to correct her, it's gotta start with my hubby.How to get hubby to understand parenting?
If this is a new situation, he needs some time to adjust. Perhaps you could plan meals that you know she would like and activities that she would enjoy. Sleeping with dad is probably not a good idea. Discuss these things with him but first let him know that you are sympathetic to his feelings about being separated from his daughter.How to get hubby to understand parenting?
Get over it. I totally agree with your opinion but 90% of parents do exactly what he is doing, without realising it.
Your worries are well-founded so the first thing to get out of your mind is that yu are doing the wrong thing.





The next challenge is to make your husband understands this too and the best thing you can do is to have a very clear objective in your mind, that is to make your husband sees if he goes on like that, you guys are going to get a very spoilt and problematic child.





Next is to start to think of ways to make your husband understand this. This is best achieved by drawing examples of what both of you can see ( not from where only you can see). E.g. a problematic child of a relative or neighbour. The more serious the better. We fathers always have a fear of what our daughters will grow up to be and trust me this inherent fear is by nature greater than the mums.





When he realised that, then through encouragement words rather than the '; I told you so';, persuade him to be stricter and be more responsible.
Well, there are some definite issues here.





Your husband obviously feels very guilty for not having a closer relationship with his daughter. She, in turn, appears very needy.





His guilt causes him to adversly indulge his daughter and refuse to discipline or set limits for her.





This can only cause grief when he decides to take a stand (even on a small issue).





I suggest sitting down with a list of areas that you are really concerned about...





Right now you list:


Eating/Food--no limits and no respect for what is already provided and available in the house





Budget--that he does not take into consideration what you can afford whether it is to indulge her in her favorite foods or buy something (another guilt reliever for the part-time parent)





TV--watches anything at anytime





Sleeping--sleeps with Dad and whenever she wants.





If you can purchase a good parenting book with these areas discussed--you can highlight the need for:


Stability


Limits


Relationship





You can encourage stability and limits by asking him what --if anything--is a concern for him about his daughter and his relationship and if he sees a need to change his current behavior that is causing his daughter to be over-indulged, selfish and without self-control. In turn, you can share what your ideal situation would be to your husband and discuss with him some behavior goals for the two of them.





Then you can encourage him to relieve some of his guilt by calling her during the week, asking for extra time with her during the week and talking with him about that guilt.





Keep reminding him that children never like limits but it is, in fact, one of the ways a child knows their parent really loves and cares for them and that they will often ';act out'; until the indulgent parent(s) begin to step up to the plate and show they care by setting appropriate limits on inappropriate behavior.





Maybe he could write her letters when she's not there. If she feels his love for her on a regular and consistent basis--she will be more inclined to accept the limits he needs to set.





She obviously needs to be snuggled. I suggest that he sit down and watch TV with her and they can snuggle on the couch and then put her to bed in her own bed. She is at the age where she needs to learn that adults sleep separately from children. He can also suggest good programming to view together, rather than letting her just fill her head with things that would not be appropriate and/or psychologically damaging for an eight year old to watch.





I'm so glad you realize that you can not do any of these changes yourself. You need to discuss this and deal with these issues directly with your hubby. (Maybe show him this question and the answers.)





I'm praying for you, I can only imagine how this could explode to a serious problem in only a few years.
Just wait until she gets older. She'll put bigger demands on him and if he doesn't come through for her, she'll tell him exactly what she thinks. Instead of laying down the law to her, he'll whine and ask repeatedly, ';Where did I go wrong??';
my advice as a mother of 3 children - contact this girl's mother. her dumb dad (your husband) is having a guilt trip but he is not doing the girl any favor - children MUST sleep 10 hours. if they do not they might get serious problems with health. also children must learn rules and routines and also that they can't get everything they want. otherwise it will be very, very hard for them to adjust in life. so your husband should stop screwing little girl's future life and health. contact her mother snd i hope she will put an end to this